Wanting a Heart Like His

Where the Streets Have No Name

2008-08-18T14:02:00.006-04:00

Day one in Nicaragua took place in a dangerous neighborhood of Managua. We found ourselves surrounded by cheerful smiles and gleeful giggles coming from the local children who are privileged enough to attend The Christian Academy of Las Torres. Amongst all of the students was Asley Bermudez, the child that I sponsor. My first impression of her was fear. Not sure if that was directed at me or apart of her every day life, but my heart instantly reached for her and along came my arms. She kinda sat there with her arms by her side, not sure what to do with the fact that a total stranger was embracing her. As the hours of the day went by her frown was turned upward and before I knew it, she clung to me with her arms wrapped around my waist. Leaving her was my first taste of a sorrowed goodbye in Nicaragua. In some strange way I felt as if I was leaving a family member behind in a war zone.

Day two, we got the first taste of the love that we were to be surround with for the remainder of the week. Instantly we were greeted with the words Dios Le Bendiga (God Bless You), a hand shake from the men, and a hug and kiss from the women. After a quick game of "el pollo" the laughter had begun, the ice officially broken, and the clinic set and ready for the next day.

Over the next few days I began to truly fall in love with the people of Nicaragua. Never in my life have I met anyone with such passion for Christ and such servant hearts. Despite the language barrier we worked side by side and efficiently. I was able to watch the face of a woman who had been trying to get pregnant, receive the news that indeed she was. I watched Jeff (our PA) as he removed skin cancer from a mans arm, and photographed a woman who's knees were so badly bruised from falling to the ground in prayer. I was able to witness a woman receive clear sight for the first time and wondered if ever she had been able to read the words from a bible. I also heard the testimony of a woman who attends the church. Her husband abandoned her and their son Joel when they learned of his diagnosis with polio. The doctors did not think that Joel would live much longer. Not once has she lost faith or turned from the Lord. Instead she praised Him for the Life that they were able to share together, no matter how difficult. That Friday we were able to celebrate his 14th birthday. The children in the community treated me as if I were the president of the United States. All they wanted was to hug and kiss me, play with my hair and rub my back. I'm not just talking about one of them but all of them at the same time, to the point where you couldn't move because they engulfed you with their love. It was amazing. We had the opportunity to attend Thursday night Praise and Worship with the entire congregation. The energy from those people literally shook the foundation of this church. It was incredible.
72 patients gave their life to Christ last week.

I made true friends during that week. Not only with those that I came to Nicaragua with but also those that I had to leave behind. I cant remember ever feeling such sadness as when the time came to say goodbye. Tears fell like rain and the embrace of our goodbyes were strong. I did not want to go. As the bus filled with 20 gringos pulled away from the church, I looked back to see them all lined up against the iron rail waiving goodbye with tears in their eyes.

I am so honored to know Nathan and Amber, the full time missionaries that organized the entire week. The Lord truly out did himself whenever he created their hearts. They are simply inspiring, and I love them very much.

At this point I can only pray that God will reveal his will for my life. One thing is certain, I will soon find myself Where the Streets have no Name, even if only for another brief moment.

On A Mission

2008-08-07T13:32:00.005-04:00

Well the time has come to put everything in a suitcase and " Go Forth to make deciples of all Nations". I can not begin to express the overload of emotions that are in my heart. Thank God that all the confusion the enemy had filled my head with has come to pass, and the Lord has replaced it with clarity.

Tomorrow close to twenty members of local churches will be hitting the blue skies to travel to Managua, Nicaragua, in hopes of making Gods home just a little more crowded. Our first day we will be privledged to spend with children from the Christain Academy of Las Torres where we will be holding a half day of pediatric clinic. The coolest part of this day is that I, for the first time will meet Hazely Bermudez, a 13 year old Nicaraguan girl that I am honored to sponsor. Its not every day that people get an oppertunity such as this and I am thrilled!

The next six days in Clinic, we will be joining Christ for the City and Medical Missions International, totalling 46 servants of God. I cant wait! The idea of working with such a great group ignites the fire in my heart. My responsibilty while there will be working in Triage. Im slightly nervous but I am confident that God will bless me with the skills that I need to accomplish this task. I thank each one of you that made this possible through your prayers and financial contributions. I ask that you all keep me, the team and the people of Nicaragua in your dayly prayers.

Lord I thank you so much for the oppertunities you bring into my life. I am blessed you have given me the heart for Mission work Lord and I pray that you will give me the mind of a servant. I ask that you speak through me as I share my testimony, and lead devotions, as I always fall timid. I ask that you allow the hearts of each member of this team to overflow with love for your people in Nicaragua. I know that we were all created for your glory, your will and to bring pleasure to you. I ask that I may be able to reflect your image and your charecter as we show these people your mercy. Lord I thank you for all that you are, and for giving me the chance to share the good news with those that do not yet know you. Thank you for sending me
On a Mission.

The Power of a Praying Wife

2008-08-03T13:04:00.008-04:00

Throughout this journey of growth, my number one prayer has been that I could one day experience all that God has to offer within my relationship with my husband. I have silently prayed night after night, day after day, that the Lord would work in his heart. It has been a true test of my own faith, trusting that God is capable of doing immeasurably more than I could ever imagine, learning to turn my desires over to him, and being able to accept the fact that he is in control.

Nearly one year ago, Matt and I experienced a fork in the road of our marriage. I was heading in one direction, he in another, and at times it seemed to be impossible to keep my eyes on the path that the Lord so graciously laid before me.

Last night, while lying in bed chatting about my upcoming Mission Trip, Matt said the words that I have been patiently awaiting for quite some time...." Next year, when you lead, I'm going with you". He said this in such a nonchalant manner, he obviously had no idea that my biggest prayer had just been answered. It was as if in that moment, he took my hand and made a promise that we would walk down this path together into eternity. There is nothing in this life that could bring more peace to my heart than the idea of serving the Lord with my husband.

Heavenly Father, I come to you with utter gratefulness that you have shown your grace within my marriage. I ask that you will turn this spark in my husbands heart into an uncontrollable fire Lord that shall never be extinguished. I am so grateful for your unconditional love. Lord I thank you for giving me the Power of a Praying Wife.

Prayer Request

2008-07-27T09:10:00.005-04:00

Day two of family vacation in Aruba, I decided to take a walk. When I returned to the pool deck I approached yellow caution tape that engulfed the area that our family had been lounging. Instant panic mode set in when I saw a man lying on the ground, that was wearing the same swim trunks my father in law had on. I dove under the tape to discover it wasn't Avery, but a man that had suffered a heart attack in the lazy river.

Moments earlier he and his 14 year old son had enjoyed a game a tennis together. Now all I could focus on was the emotionless face of this boy watching his fathers life slip away.
My mother in law attempted mouth to mouth resuscitation and when his airways collapsed an intense emergency situation arose. A cardiac surgeon came to her aid and together they inserted a "trachea tube" by using what I believe was a pocket knife and a straw from the pool bar. When the ambulance finally arrived 20 minutes later it was evident that despite all of their strong efforts, the man did not survive.

Watching him being rolled away on the stretcher and his son right by his side, the paramedics passed his wife who then discovered all this commotion was geared towards her beloved. A wave of flashbacks began swirling in my mind of ten years back when I stood in that boys very shoes. I ask that you all keep him and his mother in your prayers.

Lord I pray that you place this boy under your wings and hold him close, for I feel if ever he needed to be engulfed by your love it's now. I pray that this tragedy helps him to know you as his heavenly father and that you will be the one to brush the tears from his solemn face. Lord please help him to feel the presence of you in his broken heart and know that his father is where we all hope to be.

Habits

2008-07-17T16:39:00.004-04:00

Nothin like good friends to drive the enemy away. After a week of experimenting with only 7 hours of sleep instead of my traditional 8, I was left with the blues. Leave it to Matthew,Tiff and Bill to come to my rescue. Its amazing what a good laugh can do for the spirit.

I have been feeling like there are just not enough hours in a day. In an attempt to do something about it, I decided to sleep less. A solid eight hours no more no less, is my bodies functional sleep habit. But habits can be broken and molded into new right... So 7 it is, I made up my mind and have stuck to it for 9 nights. I am living in a foggy haze, half slap happy and half grumpy.

So my point...has anyone else ever attempted to form a habit that you wern't sure of? I know...it takes 21 days to break and form new habits but is it worth it?

Heavenly Request

2008-07-12T09:03:00.019-04:00

On Wednesday Matt picked me up from work and we drove down to Kiawa Island for my first visit. A friend had given us a Spa Certificate for a Massage at Sasanqua and oh my gosh, what a treat. All spas are serene, but this one was flat line tranquil, just sitting amongst it's stunning location... Gods country. Nestled in the back of the Island directly on the waters edge, the over sized Oak Trees and hanging moss created the scene of a fairy tale. This was Mother Nature at it's finest, with not a single noise created by man.

As I was enjoying the view of the marsh, my masseuse comes out to greet me. She guides me into the room where my troubles were expected to fade away. Surrounded by the scent of Lavender and the flicker of candles on the wall, she motions me to lie down. Then comes the unexpected. This little 100 pound girl begins to drill her thumbs into my shoulders so deep I thought she may puncture my skin. Oh my, I didn't plan on this massage to be painful. She asks if the pressure is ok, and with white knuckles and gritted teeth, what do I say, oh yes, its perfect....that's right, I lied!!! The only thing worse than lying is being caught, thankfully this time it worked out in my favor because the pain subsides and the relaxation began.

I wonder if this is what heaven will be like. For 50 minutes I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. Not the idea of having a massage on a daily basis but the thought of nothing. No worries, no pain, no interruptions, just pure peacefulness. It's impossible to quiet the world these days. If it isn't the audible sound of moving traffic, it's the visual noise of roadside advertisements. How can I hear what God has to say if he's being drowned out by all this ruckus in my head. So, with that comes my first Heavenly request... Silence..................
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uMbPSWN3HSc

Ship Wrecked

2008-07-05T09:04:00.008-04:00

July 4th with Matt has always been memorable. This year was no different.

We hit the waters in our boat. The day started off very relaxing as we were trolling down the inlet, trying to catch anything but seaweed. After an unsuccessful rainy hour of fishing, we decided to go find a nice spot to picnic. Off we go exploring.

The waters of Charleston are unfamiliar to us both so after some sight seeing, we came up on Caepers Island. We were thrilled to know from the looks of it, we would have all of Caepers to ourselves. Didn't bother asking why. We pulled up and tied off to the dock and away we went with cooler in hand. After a 20 minute hike we came across an enormous Oak Tree that was calling our names. We sat and enjoyed our lunch then decided it was time to get back.

As we approached the boat, it didn't appear to be rocking in the water, didn't think too much about it. As we got closer we realized why, it was sitting it nothing but Pluff Mud, and absolutely no water. We looked at one another and started to laugh. That explains why no one else was leaving footprints on this island. They new better. The tides were something we weren't used to growing up on a Lake.

With nothing more to do, we turned back and decided to go check out all that this island had to offer. We figured we would walk to the ocean take a dip and by the time we got back, the tide would be up and home we would sail. Yeah....about an hour into our quest for the ocean we came across the local inhabitants of the island. If you have ever seen the movie "Attack Of The Killer Bees", it looked like we were on set for the sequel, "Attack Of The Man Eating Mosquito's". There were thousands and I am not exaggerating, each and every one honed in on us as if we were the first sight of blood in months. Matt and I went running in the direction of the water but the swarm just thickened. We had no other choice but to turn back. After about 5 minutes we were in the clear again. All we were left with, were smears of blood all over us (again, no exaggeration). All I wanted to do was get back to the boat and rinse this savageness off of me. Did I mention the 3 alligators we crossed paths with?

Once we arrived at the dock, we glance out into the inlet and what do we see, SHARKS patrolling the waters by our boat. We counted about 8 that were apparently on a feeding frenzy because there tails were thrashing the waters in front of us. With no shade, no chance of rinsing off, no sunscreen, and only drops of water left to drink, Matt radios in to find out what time we could expect high tide. At this point it was 3pm. We had already spent 3 hours on this island and the voice comes through and says "8 o clock captain". That's right, 5 hours to go. So the two of us made ourselves comfortable, blood stained skin and all. Matt is laying in the floor of the boat, his only chance of shade and I decided to get a tan. Bad idea!!!! Ouch!!!!

The tide was up enough for us to pull out by 5 pm. When we returned home only to discover our air conditioner was broken and our house was a steamy 91 degrees.

The best part was, through all of this, we spent most of the day in laughter. I find that I enjoy almost anything if its quality time together. It can turn even a day like this into a great memory. It truly was a great day, even though we found ourselves Ship Wrecked.

Spread the Word

2008-07-01T16:15:00.009-04:00

So I consider myself to be a polite driver...sometimes. One thing I make sure to do, is turn down my music as to not deafen those around me at a stop light. Today however, I did the exact opposite.

Driving home from work, I was in a particularly chipper mood. The day was beautiful, my windows were down, hands flowing in the breeze. I approach a red light and instead of turning down my music, I cranked it up. Why, because it was a Christian artist I love (Shawn McDonald), and the lyrics needed to be heard. I was blessed with the talent of playing air drums and air guitar both. Strummin and drummin, I was rockin out.

In my own peculiar mind, I felt this was a way I could witness to a car full of strangers, and put a smile on their face in the process. What better method to spread the Word on your commute home?

BRING IT ON

2008-06-29T20:40:00.007-04:00

Without going into detail, the Devil patiently awaited my return home from "Deeper Still". In preparation for Nicaragua I knew his presence would be made known sooner than later. His spiritual attack is among me and in an instant I have found myself in his wilderness.

Dios es Bueno!!! I know that keeping my faith in the Lord means being puddy in his hands. If Play Doe is what I need to become , by all means...

I'm decked out in armor Satan....BRING IT ON

What she lacked in Brains, she make up for in Compassion

2008-06-26T20:24:00.007-04:00

Everyone who knows me would agree, I am slightly on the silly side. I wish I could blame that on the cracked skull I was given during a tubing accident nearly 9 years ago which required a trip to the ER and about 10 staples. Unfortunately, I don't know for sure that is the case. I did finish high school with a GPA of 4.25, and still have a pretty high cumulative GPA in college, but I can admit... I'm a ditz.

After a talk I just had with my mother in law, I started to think. What legacy do I want to leave behind? Do I want to be known as the girl that had a big brain, or the girl that had a big heart? That's something I wont have to sit and ponder for long. Being some sort of educational prodigy is not going to bring Glory to God. On the other hand, having a heart that spews with love, will.
So I hope my tomb stone reads... What she lacked in brains, she made up for in compassion.

Life of a Pilots Wife

2008-06-23T16:48:00.014-04:00

When Matt and I first met I was intrigued in the idea of dating a pilot. When we moved to Florida so that he could pursue his life as a Professional Pilot, I was honored to be the first to partake in his cross country flight. Soon though, that excitement turned to fear, as I realized I was not cut out for co pilot position. That's right, in the plane, midway between Cedar Key and Daytona Beach is where I proceeded to throw up all over Matt's Abercrombie and Fitch sweater (that he so graciously offered me as a sick bag).

That my friends, was nearly 8 years ago, and also the last time I accepted responsibility of sitting in the cockpit of an airplane...until yesterday. It had been weeks since I had the chance to spend the day with my husband. When he asked if I would ride along with him to pick up some Friends of ours from the Bahamas, I jumped at the idea. In the plane I threw myself and marched straight up to the cockpit and took a seat. Yes, I thought twice about it, but I was there for one reason and one reason only, to spend time with my hubby, and that I couldn't do from the backseat.

Instantly I gained a whole new respect for the career my husband chose. As we prepared for departure I heard this man from air traffic control ramble off some gibberish about altitude, altimeter settings, radio headings blah blah blah. Where I would of had to say, ok, slow down, could you please repeat that, I haven't got a pen and paper in hand, my husband dialed in the appropriate numbers in their appropriate positions amongst the hundreds of instruments and buttons, and then repeated it back to him without batting an eyelash. I was impressed to say the least, and on the other hand... lost, so what do I do, stick my head in a magazine and zone far far away from the moment of take off.

Before I new it, we were 17,000 feet in the air and in the middle of the ocean. Matt and I were chatting away taking pictures and goofing off, all behind the "wheel" of an airplane. I was fine as long as I looked from side to side and not out the front windshield (which was not particularly hard since I couldn't see over the dash). He then tells me we are minutes from landing so I get brave and strain myself to look ahead, bad mistake. In front of me were mountains of clouds. Not those pretty clouds that you lay in a field and configure cute little shapes out of, I mean the ones you take cover from. I guess Matt could see the intense fear stricken expression ( hard to miss), because in a calm and somewhat protective voice he tells me "its ok, I'll just fly through the holes". I felt like Jasmine when Aladdin took her on a magic carpet ride, only thing missing was the words to "A Whole New World".

We got there safe and sound, had enough time to take the golf cart to the Pool Bar for a bite to eat, a quick dip in the Caribbean Sea and off we went back home.

So the point of my story... solely to brag about my husband. Yes he does have a great job that has become his sole priority, but he is also the hardest working man I know. He takes peoples lives into his hands every day and never fails to bring them home safely.

Lord I ask that you protect my husband as he soars with the eagles and is guided through the holes of heaven. Thank you for giving me the Life of this Pilots Wife.

Making a Difference

2008-06-19T16:40:00.009-04:00

As I was driving home from work today, I had the "pleasure" of drafting behind an 18 wheeler that was carrying what appeared to be 53 feet of recycled material (aka trash). Problem is, he wasn't successful in transporting it from point A to point B, unless point B consisted of the road he was traveling on. At this time my mind begins to wonder. What can I do to stop this situation.

Short of running a Mack Truck off the road in my 4 door Accord, or pulling over and backtracking (who knows how many miles) to collect the garbage he has just ridden the world with... nothing. I had no cell phone, My hands were tied.

A few minutes later, my mind departs from the (not so pleasant) thoughts I was having of this truck driver, to the lyrics on the radio. Like a lesson from God, the words of Jack Johnson's "With My Own Two Hands" filled the car.

It goes something like this...http://youtube.com/watch?v=2OldXKvuljs&feature=related

I know I'm no superhero, but God did give me the ability of Using My Own Two Hands. With them, I hope to make a difference.

Silence Speaks Volumes

2008-06-18T16:38:00.005-04:00

Some of the most precious moments of my life were spent in silence. My earliest child hood memory was a night when I was 3 years old. My father tip toed into my room at 2 am and woke me up. He asked me to come outside, he had something to show me. Without saying a word I followed him out, and then he pointed to the heavens. It was the clearest night sky I have ever seen. Filled with shooting stars, fireflies and flashes of lightning, I sat there in awe of the world that surrounded me. Everything so perfect, everything so peaceful. And then I looked up as my dad glanced over at me. Not a word was spoken, but his love for me in that moment was radiant.

One of my biggest struggles as a Christian is keeping my quiet time with God consistent. To be honest with you, I don't know that I even have quiet time with the Lord. I talk to him all day long in my prayers, but I never find myself patiently waiting to hear that small, still voice. I ask so many questions and never hear the answer, because I don't give him the opportunity to reveal the truth.

I'm so blessed that God is patient. He is nothing like my 1st grade teacher that wouldn't answer a question that had been asked more than once because you should have listened the first time.

Lord I am so thankful for the love that you have for me. I thank you for allowing me to lean on you whenever I need. I thank you for giving me the thoughts of your heart, and I ask that through my Silence you will Speak Volumes.

The Gift of Laughter

2008-06-16T16:35:00.005-04:00

I believe that one of the best traits a person can have is the ability to make others laugh.
What I love most, is that laughter from one, often provokes laughter from another. It's contagious. You don't even need to have heard what was said. All you need to hear is the gleeful giggle of another to make you chuckle.

I learned today that there is a job out there I never knew existed. Gelotology...the study of humor and laughter, as well as the effects it has on the human body. Laughter is a gift I never before thought to pray for until now.

Last year I had the opportunity to partake in a medical mission trip to Costa Rica. While I was there I met Byron. Though he did not speak English and I did not speak Spanish, he became one of the most memorable parts of my trip. Why... we both play thumb wars and we both speak laughter. He made me smile, and left an everlasting memory in my heart. There are thousands of languages and hundreds of thousand of dialects, but this is universal.

So as I prepare to leave for Managua, Nicaragua, I will not only pray for the courage to share the Lord , but also my ability to make others laugh. After all, there is no better joy than the gift of laughter. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3O8ML-LvSY

Realizations of growing OLD

2008-06-15T18:03:00.006-04:00

So it seems to hit quite suddenly. For me the Epiphany came when I was rummaging through pics on Facebook of old High school friends. Scanning through photos I realized ...we're all grown up now. No more excuses of being young and dumb. Even worse is to be old and dumb, because with age comes wisdom, right? Where is the wisdom I was to be granted as a consolation prize to these wrinkles?

It's no secret that I have been suffering from a quarter life crisis for over a year now. I can only pray that God convicts me of this sooner than later, and that I will again be confident in the life that I lead, and where I stand at this stage. Problem with this is, I'm currently behind. Being behind in life is not like running late to work. You can't just step on the gas petal to make up those minutes you spent kissing your husband goodbye.

So whats a girl to do, (or should I say women)? I'll tell you what I need to do. STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS. I have dwelt long enough on this mountain. If there was no timeline, I wouldn't be behind. But who invented this timeline...I DID! I am my own worst enemy. I can't think about what people think of me. I have to remember God has started to work in me and will not stop until I am complete. He has a plan , and though I may not see where he is taking me, I have faith that it is somewhere that I want to be.

Lord I pray for strength today, for I know you are stretching my faith. Please give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change what I can and wisdom to know the difference, for I have just realized, I'm growing old.

Even those who are surrounded by people are lonely

2008-06-15T13:43:00.003-04:00

In a quest for self discovery and a goal to have a Heart like His, I've spent the past few days in contemplation of life. Problem lies with having answers to questions I haven't even asked myself. I can tell you what I don't want. I don't want to be alone.

The rain is falling and in this moment I feel ok with being in the house accompanied only by my dog and the sound of music . Why only now is it ok, I feel its normal. I some times think God created storms so that people would stop what they were doing and appreciate that moment. Why is it that I don't enjoy the company of myself? I often hear others say they wish they could have time to themselves. I on the other hand am on the verge of becoming a hermit (Not by choice I mind you).

So I want to stand in grace and take this time to appreciate all that I have, even if it isn't company. I have Christ in my heart and though there are times when I fear that isn't enough, I have to surround myself in knowing He is all that I need, my El Shaddai. After all, there are those that don't know Christ and though they may be surrounded by people, they still find themselves in loneliness.